Because I care.

Dear Jeremy,

I know you'll be spending the next few days lonely and cold in a foreign city with nary a friend to rely upon, and I don't know how the porn will be in your hotel room, so I thought I'd post a photo for you to keep you warm at night.

Mwah!

Love,

Kristin

Hey! Jehovah's Witnesses!

WWJD?

I am reasonably sure he wouldn't be knocking on motherfuckers doors at 830 am on Saturday mornings.

I can tell you that much.

And we're back.

I just didn't know what I could do to top 'Tree Man', and I needed to catch my breath. For a couple of months.

Then I found out Madame Tussauds just made a wax figure of Zac Efron!!!

And I was suddenly all kinds of inspired.

What Team? Wildcats!!!

WHAT TEAM? WILDCATS!!!

WHAT TEAM? WILDCATS!!!!!

Tree Man

I went to the youtube to watch the video of James the Narcoleptic Tree Cutter, after reading Scooter's last post.

And on the sidebar I saw this video. The human Treeman.

Check it out.





Poor Deedee.

But look, there's hope!

Hate: Pass it on!

I just discovered the best web site, called thewaytohappiness.org.

It's almost as good as the one with the picture of Jesus's bloody forehead, but not quite.

This web site gets its pro-scientology message across by way of hit-you-over-the-head-with-it PSAs.

I came away from this one feeling like I wanted to punch someone in the mouth. But I don't think that was the intended effect.

What ever happened to ...

That kid from "The Toy"? You know, one who licked the flag pole in "A Christmas Story?"



Scott Schwartz. That's him.

Well. He never really got any taller than 5 feet. And he made a porno. Gross, but I kind of want to see it.

I KNEW it!

Aww, give a little love. Transvaginally.

It's good to know that if anyone I love ever needs a kidney, I can just donate it through my vagina.

Let's hear it for technology!

omglol

Whatever happened to...

Shavar Ross, who played Dudley on Diff'rent Strokes?

Come on, we all remember Dudley, right? The one who was almost molested on the creeeepiest episode of DS ever?

I never was able to look at little shirtless Dudley in quite the same way after that episode.

And apparently, Shavar couldn't either. I read that he was actually getting molested in real life while they were filming that one. Isn't that tragic?


Arnold and Dudley watch a porno cartoon...



"Mr. Horton", the "bicycle shop guy" gives the boys some jesus juice...


Shavar today. He's pretty cute!

He blogs, but it's open to invited readers only. He also has a production company.

Maybe some day he will be well known for his writing or directing. But for me, he'll probably always be almost-molested Dudley.

cheese sandwich love

whatever happened to...

In my tireless and ongoing efforts to keep Kristin off my case about posting things here on the 11:11 (when I can barely find the time or energy to post things on my personal blog), I decided to play nice and participate in the whole "Whatever happened to..." thing she came up with last week.

So, here goes:

Whatever happened to... the Junkyard Dog?



He's dead.

(see what i did there? it's friday! omglol!!!)

What what in the butt

All this talk of back door entry is making me giggly.

Here's a weekend video to enjoy, you fucking perverts.

MWAH!!!

Bye Bye, Fuckface

Now, GIT!

ee-er-ee-er-ee-er

What ever happened to...

Happy Friday, my beautiful bitches!!!

Know what that means...

Jesus, I thought this day would never come. It seems a million years since my Willie Aames post. But here we are again.

I thought I'd pick Tricia Cast as the subject of today's brilliant installment because, well, I wanna do something nice for Jeremy. And I think that Ms. Cast was fodder for some of 9 year old-Jeremy's under-the-covers fumblings, the same way that the whole Ricky Schroeder/Jason Bateman threesome fantasy was for 11 year old Kristin at the same time.

Yes. I'm old.




After kicking around the 1980s television scene forEVER (she was on Mr. Belevedere, Little House, Bad News Bears, and most famously, It's Your Move),



she landed a regular spot as Nina on The Young and The Restless, where she still is.



Sometimes she makes an indie movie.

She's still kind of cute.



This post was boring.

happy weekend, loves.

NYC No Pants Subway Ride 2009

I'm still not sure what the point of this is, but it's been going on for 8 years.
Yes, this really happened last week.



Next year I think we should totally do this.

What ever happened to...

Happy Friday, lovers.

I'm kicking off '09 with a shiny-new, ongoing installment to 11:11, called, "What ever happened to..."

I thought this would be a fun little series for us all to look forward to weekly, because

a. I know so goddamned much stuff, it'd take a lifetime for me to share it with all of you. So I'd better start now. Maybe Jeremy knows something too, and would like to participate in the series. Wouldn't that be fun???
and

b. I am a lazy fuck and by the end of the week I am tired of blogging about things like my stray gray pubic hairs and funny crap my kid says and of stealing videos and photos from other people's blogs. Even though I know you people eat that shit up.

So here we are. I thought we'd start today with the fascinating life history of Willie Aames.

Many of of you (maybe I'm wrong about this) remember Willie as the cute older brother on the show "Eight is Enough". More of you probably remember him though as retard sidekick Buddy to Chachi's "Charles in Charge".
Fun fact: This dynamic duo also starred together in the smash hit 80's teen sex romp, "Zapped".





Willie was cute in that dirty Apple Pie American Bad Boy kind of way (think Chris Atkins in "A Night in Heaven". Oh, but that movie made my pre-pubescent girl parts throb).



This is what Willie looks like now.



Whoa.

The man'sclearly seen some hard times. After surviving childhood abuse, Willie turned to the bottle and the drugs during his high times as an 80's teen idol. Then it all came crashing down and he moved to Kansas and sobered up and became a born-again Christian.

Surprising? Not so much.

He parlayed his newfound Jesusness and his acting talent into the creation/portrayal of Bibleman.

I shit you not.



Here is an excerpt from one of the (unbelievably numerous) Bibleman DVDs (available online! There are also coloring books!):

Bibleman Powersource Series:
Crushing the Conspiracies of the Cheater DVD

You wouldn’t expect the issue of cheating to be a problem at Bible Bowl competitions. Then again, most Bible Bowls aren’t plagued by a guy in black, sporting a dastardly “Belittler” on his belt-buckle. Meet The Cheater.

Young Jake and Emily are snared by the sneaky little dude, lured by the promise of guaranteed success without hard work. But thanks to the help of the Bible Adventure Team—Cypher, Melody, Biblegirl and Bibleman—the kids are able to resist the slick con-man just in time to do the right thing.

Features a special appearance by Rick & Bubba as the Whine Brothers.

Anyway, Willie had a rough go of it this past Thanksgiving. After falling off the wagon, he locked himself in a motel room with a bottle of Jack and slit his own throat.

Ackkkk.

He's still alive, though. He spent some time in the psych ward and got back on track and I am confident that we'll still see some very interesting things from him in the future.

Good luck to you, Willie.


Keep on reaching for the stars. Go on, now.

And happy weekend, motherfuckers.

Mwah.

Oh, I'll flush you alright.

I love passive-aggressive notes.com.

This tickled me.

A jolly good man is hard to find

Not every guy would be willing to climb into a sweatbox of a Santa suit (with boots! and belt!!! Even glasses, too!!!) just to fulfill his girl's kinky weird childhood fantasies.

Then, don it a couple days later when girlfriend's small child spys said Santa suit sticking out from a suitcase and asks him to please put it on.


For Mama


For Baby



If you ask me, that's a good man right there.