Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

anal sex: a haiku

little bit o'lube
is really all we would need
to make rectal love.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Fuck off, Hasbro

Now they've gone and done it.

Monopoly for girls.

Game pieces like the ole standby of the thimble, the dog, the shoe, have been replaced with the cell phone, the handbag, and the HAIR DRYER.

Thank goodness.

Because girls were too stupid to play Monopoly before. Now maybe they'll understand it better because Hasbro has brought it down to their level.


Friday, July 18, 2008

Zoot for President

This dude is my choice
He's cool, calm, talented, chill.
Let's bring Peace back, yo.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

let's all vote mccain two: a haiku, too (electric boogaloo)

let's all vote mccain!
for god! family! country!
keep the white house white.

Monday, July 14, 2008

The Red Tent

In olden days past,
when women had bled
the men banished them
to a tent that was red.

They hung out in the desert
for seven whole moons,
so they could all bitch in peace
out in the sand dunes.

I sure wish I had
my own little red tent;
Where I could hide by my ownself
With nary a gent.

I'd invite all my ladies,
and we'd eat Hostess cakes
and sit back on our asses
Complaining of back aches.

So I'm getting a red tent
and I don't mean to brag
but y'all can come over
when you are on the rag.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008


So yesterday I'm parking my car behind a total guido car that has a license plate that says 'JB 007 Jr.'
(Joey Buttafuoco and Amy Fisher used '007' as their secret code when they were paging each other...sooo clandestine and sexy!)
And since I'm from Long Island, I'm very interested in all things Amy Fisher.

So of course I snap a picture of it. The license plate, that is.
Then I come to find out that Jeremy hasn't seen "Lethal Lolita: The Amy Fisher Story".

So I thought I'd help him out with that.

I think you can get it on the Netflix, Jeremy. I'm sure you can.

There were actually three Amy Fisher movies that came out around the same time (1993?), but that one's actually my favorite. The other version starred a very horrid Alyssa Milano doing a terrible Nassau County accent and wearing white stretchy pants.

The third version starred Drew Barrymore. And I cannot find it ANYWHERE online. Drew's people probably had any clips of it pulled from the Youtube because
a. the performance is true camp and trash...I guess it was before Drew took acting lessons
b. Drew is like a legitimate producer/actress now. But she storms around in mini skirts and this black Elvira wig that is just unimaginably hilarious.

So, sorry, Jeremy, I did my best.