Saturday, September 27, 2008

I must stop eating fresh

I think I need help.
I am addicted to foot-long Subway veggie delight sandwiches. Like, completely addicted.

Something about the way the fresh-baked Honey Oat bread smell wafts from the dutch oven when I walk by the place, it just beckons at me. Kind of like the way the fabric softener smell seeps from the outside vents of the laundromat, like tiny fingers gesturing, Come closer, Kristin. Come clean your underpants. It's nice in here. And I go, like a fresh-bread posessed zombie, plunk down my $5.42 and say, "Give me the works, Esteban."

This is day three and I don't see myself getting sick of it any time soon. I justify devouring it in under 15 minutes because, hey, where else in New York City are you going to get a fresh, healthy, filling vegetarian mean that bargain price?

Nowhere, that's where.

Oh, that bread is like crack. I just finished my sandwich and I am thinking of venturing out into the rain for another.

Please, god, make it stop...

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Wait, WHAT?!?!?!

I don't know about you people, but I am absolutely SHOCKED by this bombshell.


Clay Aiken????


Boy, he surely had us all fooled. I mean, for goodness sakes, he just fathered a child!!! Of course, I think the woman was like a 45 year old lesbian, but guys don't do that!!! A gay dad? Really, now. This is just too much.

Also, gay guys simply do NOT have this kind of hair.

I have to say, wow, Clay. Just...gosh. You think you know someone.

I, for one, am totally psyched about this though. Now, finally, the real Hollywood heavy hitters are starting to come out and declare loudly and proudly, 'Yup, I'm gay'.

I'm hoping that Gaiken's bold move will prompt other closeted Hollywoodites to go public with their hidden gayness.

Fingers crossed!

Clay, a born-again Christian, says he and JC are totally cool. He is absolutely assured he will be saved, despite his attraction to dudes.

I wouldn't worry about what Jesus thinks of you, Clay. I might be concerned however with some of the godfearin' folks you go to church with, though. Just sayin' your back, ya know?

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Progressive Fashion

I was hoping I could find an Obama thong! Wow, I'm mad excited.
However, I can't decide between these or the 100% cotton Ojamas.
Decisions, decisions...

Thursday, September 11, 2008

i can make fun of the gays because i don't mean anything by it but you shouldn't because you're secretly prejudiced and it's sad. so sad.

i hate to be the bearer of bad news but i just saw this at the top of my gmail and i wanted you to be the first to know:

Analysis Confirms AIDS Epidemic Hits Men Hard

of course it does; they can't catch it if they're soft.


Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I'm a little frightened, frankly.

This tickled me. It's fake, but what do you guys care? It's tits, and you're all pervs.


Oh, Fuck

McCain shoots ahead.

How? I need to understand this.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Oldie, but a goodie

Who will I make fun of in January?


Saturday, September 6, 2008

Happy Birthday, Hotfish

How could you not love that face?

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Don't worry, maybe you'll have a stroke soon and save face. You know, because you're old. And clearly suffering from old-man brain.

Dear John McCain,

I don't know about the rest of America, but I am feeling more and more assured about your wicked awesome decision-making skills.

Alaska hasn't been so interesting since "Northern Exposure". Why buy Us Weekly when we can just chill with your running mate for a few hours?
Jamie Lynn Spears or Bristol Palin? Same diff, y'all.

I wonder what will happen next!

The suspense is killing me.

I hope it'll last.



PS: Thanks for giving me something else to think about yesterday besides Hurricane Gustav and a tree falling on Jeremy's head while he stood in his carport videotaping the storm!!! I owe ya one!