I'm kicking off '09 with a shiny-new, ongoing installment to 11:11, called, "What ever happened to..."
I thought this would be a fun little series for us all to look forward to weekly, because
a. I know so goddamned much stuff, it'd take a lifetime for me to share it with all of you. So I'd better start now. Maybe Jeremy knows something too, and would like to participate in the series. Wouldn't that be fun???
and
b. I am a lazy fuck and by the end of the week I am tired of blogging about things like my stray gray pubic hairs and funny crap my kid says and of stealing videos and photos from other people's blogs. Even though I know you people eat that shit up.
So here we are. I thought we'd start today with the fascinating life history of Willie Aames.
Many of of you (maybe I'm wrong about this) remember Willie as the cute older brother on the show "Eight is Enough". More of you probably remember him though as retard sidekick Buddy to Chachi's "Charles in Charge".
Fun fact: This dynamic duo also starred together in the smash hit 80's teen sex romp, "Zapped".
Willie was cute in that dirty Apple Pie American Bad Boy kind of way (think Chris Atkins in "A Night in Heaven". Oh, but that movie made my pre-pubescent girl parts throb).
This is what Willie looks like now.
Whoa.
The man'sclearly seen some hard times. After surviving childhood abuse, Willie turned to the bottle and the drugs during his high times as an 80's teen idol. Then it all came crashing down and he moved to Kansas and sobered up and became a born-again Christian.
Surprising? Not so much.
He parlayed his newfound Jesusness and his acting talent into the creation/portrayal of Bibleman.
I shit you not.
Here is an excerpt from one of the (unbelievably numerous) Bibleman DVDs (available online! There are also coloring books!):
Bibleman Powersource Series:
Crushing the Conspiracies of the Cheater DVD
You wouldn’t expect the issue of cheating to be a problem at Bible Bowl competitions. Then again, most Bible Bowls aren’t plagued by a guy in black, sporting a dastardly “Belittler” on his belt-buckle. Meet The Cheater.
Young Jake and Emily are snared by the sneaky little dude, lured by the promise of guaranteed success without hard work. But thanks to the help of the Bible Adventure Team—Cypher, Melody, Biblegirl and Bibleman—the kids are able to resist the slick con-man just in time to do the right thing.
Features a special appearance by Rick & Bubba as the Whine Brothers.
Anyway, Willie had a rough go of it this past Thanksgiving. After falling off the wagon, he locked himself in a motel room with a bottle of Jack and slit his own throat.
Ackkkk.
He's still alive, though. He spent some time in the psych ward and got back on track and I am confident that we'll still see some very interesting things from him in the future.
Good luck to you, Willie.
Keep on reaching for the stars. Go on, now.
And happy weekend, motherfuckers.
Mwah.
21 comments:
Have you ever heard the Reliant K cover of the Charles in Charge theme song?
I loved Zapped. It's part of what made me the freak I am today.
No idea who that guy is. I do know the type. The Baptists used to parade a series of evangelists like him on the revival circuit.
First, they have the fun of being a degenerate of some sort and lording it over everyone how cool they are. Then, they have the fun of being a reformed degenerate and lording it over everyone how holier-than-thou they are. Win-win.
Dumb ass could have picked something better than Jack.
a few years ago, he was on that big fat celebrity loser show. because he was fat.
Wow! Poor Willie. Hope he'll be okay. I'll always remember laughing at his goofiness on Charles in Charge. I blame Scott Baio for this. I'm not sure why but I just know it's all his fault. Damn you, Scott Baio, damn you straight to hell!
I hope he can find balance. It most certainly is a struggle to do that with most of us. Good luck, Willie, and Godspeed.
Willie is the man! and that is awesome how you weaveed your stray, grey pubic hairs into this story! :) that's talent! Picture please.
Can you feature Ed O'Niell next? One wonders if he became a shoe salesman in the afterlife.
You're whacked, sister, and I LOVE your posts.
Bless his little 80s heart.
Zapped! Loved it! That movie had such nudity and humor. Ahhh good times. Except for poor Willie, my god time has taken its toll on him.
Bibleman, eh? I don't remember reading about him in the Bible, but maybe I just wasn't paying attention. I saw him on Chelsea Handler and he didn't look as rough.
It's so weird. It's like I CAN'T STOP commenting. What is it about you?!
SEE?!
(release me)
Trailers for sale or rent
Rooms to let...fifty cents.
No phone, no pool, no pets
I ain't got no cigarettes
Ah, but..two hours of pushin' broom
Buys an eight by twelve four-bit room
I'm a man of means by no means
King of the road.
Third boxcar, midnight train
Destination...Bangor, Maine.
Old worn out suits and shoes,
I don't pay no union dues,
I smoke old stogies I have found
Short, but not too big around
I'm a man of means by no means
King of the road.
I know every engineer on every train
All of their children, and all of their names
And every handout in every town
And every lock that ain't locked
When no one's around.
I sing,
Trailers for sale or rent
Rooms to let, fifty cents
No phone, no pool, no pets
I ain't got no cigarettes
Ah, but, two hours of pushin' broom
Buys an eight by twelve four-bit room
I'm a man of means by no means
King of the road.
Stop, Jack.
Thank you! I was getting bored.
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