Seven things that caused (somewhat irrational) terror and trauma to me as a child

Note: Interesting how many of these things involved Jim Henson and/or midgets.

1. "The Dark Crystal".
This is, hands down, the most apocalyptic, terrifying, emotionally violent horror show I have ever witnessed. I couldn't eat gummy bears for years because that was the candy I got when my mom dropped me off to see this movie in fourth grade with my best friend. I hated it. Hated it. Just watch this clip and tell me this movie shouldn't have been rated NC-17.



2. Oompa Loompas
When I first saw Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, I made my mother cover both my eyes and ears during the Oompa Loompa scenes; either that or I ran out of the room and locked myself in the bathroom until their scenes were over. I remember spending many nights getting talked down from near-anxiety attacks under my canopy bed because I was sure they were coming to get me. My mother would crawl into my bed and stroke my forehead, assuring me that they were simply little men, that they had houses and families and that when they were done playing the Oompa Loompas in the movie, they went home and took off their horrid orange makeup and had dinner, played with their kids, and went to bed. This was, however, inconceivable to me.



3. "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen
The first time I heard this was in the backseat of my parents' car, coming home from my grandmother's house at night. I was sure that it was a Satanic song and that they were speaking in tongues.



4. "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island
There's really no reason to explain this one. This little mongo thing with the gravelly helium voice just served no purpose on that show except to give me someone to cast as the star of my most wicked nightmares.



5. "Labyrinth"
How could a movie that had Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie in it frighten me so?
Because it was a fucking freakshow, that's how. This movie is the reason I didn't fuck around with hallucinogenics until I was way past my teen years.



6. Alice Cooper on "The Muppets"
Yeah. It's appropriate for a vampiric-looking man in dripping mascara and a cape to come crawling out of a coffin on a kid's show. Right. Thanks again, Jim Henson.



7. The episode of "Little House" when Albert burns down the blind school
For a paranoid little kid like me, who was always afraid of things like plugged-in toasters burning my house down, or my parents being killed on their way home from buying my Christmas presents at the mall, this episode particularly disturbed me. Especially the scene when Mrs. Garvey, trying to rescue Mary's baby, smashes open the window to try and escape, and gets engulfed in flames. Jesus Christ, hit us over the head with it, why don't you?