knitted princess leia wig

Cat Ass

I love my cat.
And it has been well documented that he loves me.
Maybe a little bit too much. His love for me borders on obsessive.
He doesn't really accept other men in our domicile.
He kind of glares at them, and more than once I've caught him hiding under the couch,
poised, eyes shining,
paw at the ready to swipe
at a passing ankle.

His favorite thing to do is climb in my lap
when I'm on the computer
and turn around and around
to get my scent all over him
rub his face against mine
and then, as if presenting me with a fine gift
he turns around and
puts his ass in my face
and that, I have to say,
is just freaking gross.

Summer Cold, A Haiku

My head filled with snot
I sneeze violently, and
Oops! I kind of peed.

Dreaming of Me

Each night when I lay down
and commence to dream
I find that my sleep
has a recurring theme.

I generally find
I'm in one of three places
surrounded by strange, yet
familiar faces.

Sometimes I am lost
underground, in New York,
with someone I know...
for example, Bjork.

Or else I'm in high school
And I'm all late for class
but I can't find the right room
and I ain't got no pass.

But the weirdest of dreams
I must say, has to be
the dream where I'm desperately
needin' to pee

And I search for a bathroom
and then I come upon
a toilet so filthy
and foul, and so wrong

I must carefully step
'cuz I just have to go
(and I am always barefoot;
even grosser, I know),

and I sit on the toilet
but before I let fly
I wake myself up
only jesus knows why!

One day I'll learn what
a professional thinks
'cuz decoding these dreams
is a job for a shrink.

let's all vote mccain: a haiku

let's all vote mccain.
sure, maybe he is way old
then again, he's white.

Firecrotch

his patience long, but soon he won't have any (or ode to my misery)

would you like some cheese?
you know, to go with that whine?
it's hot. we get it.

Summah in the Citeh (Or Ode To Misery)

It is so fucking hot today
My skin is all a-blister
My mood is foul, my hair is frizzed
I'm one unhappy sister.

I slathered on self-tanner
and the smell of it still lingers
it stains my clothes and leaves brown spots
between my toes and fingers.

Oh, you hateful summer
You are a mighty bitch
I want to stab you in your face
or beat you with a switch.

You suck! I mean, it's only June
I swear I'm just not ready
I'm trapped inside a fucking kiln
My boobs, they are so sweaty.